Parenting Through Your Own Anxiety: The Things No One Tells You

Parenting is hard, even on a good day. But when you’re living with anxiety, parenting can feel like constantly trying to protect your child from a world that feels unpredictable and overwhelming… while also trying to protect them from your own fear.

You want to be calm, patient, and present but sometimes your mind races faster than your child can say, “Mom?” If that’s you, take a breath. You’re not failing. You’re parenting with an extra layer of awareness and that awareness can become a strength.

Here are the things no one tells you about parenting through your own anxiety and how to make room for peace along the way.

Your Anxiety Doesn’t Make You a Bad Parent

Anxiety often tells you that you’re doing everything wrong. It whispers, You’re too worried. You’re overreacting. You’re going to mess them up.

Here’s the truth: anxious parents are usually deeply caring parents. You’re tuned in, attentive, and emotionally aware. The goal isn’t to erase your anxiety, it’s to learn how to keep it from running the show.

You don’t need to be a “calm parent.” You need to be a regulated one. One who knows when to pause, breathe, and start again.

Kids Don’t Need Perfection, They Need Repair

Every parent loses patience sometimes. Every parent says the wrong thing. What matters most isn’t what you get wrong, it’s how you repair it. After a tense moment, try:

“I got upset earlier. That wasn’t fair to you. I’m working on it.”

This models emotional honesty and resilience which is far more valuable to your child than a perfectly calm parent.

Repairing teaches them: mistakes happen, relationships can heal, and love can stay steady even when emotions get big.

Your Triggers Aren’t Character Flaws

You may find yourself panicking over things other parents seem fine with (your child climbing high, being late to school, trying new foods) That’s not weakness. It’s your nervous system doing its job too well.

Instead of judging your reaction, get curious:

· “What am I afraid will happen?”

· “Is this about the moment, or about my own past?”

· “What would make me feel 10% safer right now?”

Awareness turns reactivity into choice.

Build “Calm Routines” for Both of You

Children thrive on predictability and so do anxious brains.

Create tiny rituals that calm both of you:

· A short breathing game before school.

· A “quiet minute” before bed.

· A mantra: “We can handle this.”

You’re teaching your child emotional regulation skills as you learn them yourself.

You Don’t Have to Hide Your Anxiety

Many parents fear that if their child sees their anxiety, they’ll “catch” it. But pretending to be fine can backfire. Kids sense tension even when we hide it.

Instead, name your feelings in simple, calm language:

“Mom feels a little worried right now, but I’m taking deep breaths and I’ll be okay.”

This shows your child that feelings are normal, manageable, and not something to fear.

Ask for Help Before You Hit the Wall

You don’t have to wait until you’re burned out to reach for support. Therapy, parenting groups, and even five-minute check-ins with trusted friends can help you reset. You’re allowed to need help. That doesn’t make you less capable, it makes you human.

Our therapists are here to help!

You’re Modeling Bravery, Not Perfection

Every time you face your anxiety and still show upto pack lunches, read bedtime stories, or simply stay present, you’re showing your child what courage looks like.

They don’t need a fearless parent. They need a parent who keeps showing up despite the fear.

That’s love in action.